#SOL18 Day Seventeen
I walked into a conversation with my mom and her caregiver this morning and it sounded like this –
“It has two in the front and two in the back.” My mom sounded slightly frustrated.
“I just don’t know what that could be…?” Lorrie was trying hard to understand.
I walked in and immediately started “playing.”
Since my mom had a stroke 7 years ago her biggest struggle has been word retrieval. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to know exactly what you want to say, in your mind, to be able to picture it…. but not be able to name it.
Yet she keeps trying. There have been times when she will get quiet and finally say, “never mind.” It breaks my heart.
I have always been my mom’s person – the one who could reach into her mind and help her string her thoughts together so she could communicate her needs. To ease her frustration. Often times seconds before she would throw in the towel. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel so defeated that she stopped talking altogether. When she gets quiet….that’s what scares me.
Today was the day that Lorrie figured out what my mom was trying so earnestly to say. Lorrie.
Don’t feel bad about this. Don’t be jealous. Be happy that mom has more people who get her. We are blessed…I thought to myself.
carrieiswriting 
You are blessed to have a caregiver who gets your mom. And your mom is blessed to have you! My grandmother, who was a librarian for the Chicago Public Libraries, had a stroke at age 70, and completely lost her speech, except for the word no. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must have been for her!
Awe. That is similar to the feeling I would have when the daycare workers would tell me about a milestone moment my children had, but it always helped knowing they were with someone who was as excited about it as I was. It helps that they are in good hands when you can’t be there.
Your mom is lucky to have you!!!!
As I reread and I’m thinking about my comment, what I took away was your feeling of wanting to be “your mom’s person” and I can connect with that feeling with my children.
I appreciate how you let us walk in to the middle of this slice, to feel the bewilderment for a moment before we understand what is happening. And then your sense of your place in your mother’s world, followed by realization that Lorrie is coming there, too. I have nothing to compare it to except the first time my child called out for his father instead of me when he was hurt. We want to share the parenting, it’s important to us, but oh! it was hard to feel it. May you find comfort as things change and change.
What a perfect slice–a little moment, maybe not so remarkable in and of itself, that resonates big time through carefully selected detail and reflection. This was my favorite line: “There will be times when she will get quiet and finally say, “Never mind.'” I can feel her frustration there and that desire to give up. So glad you are usually able to figure out. I can’t imagine the frustration of losing your words like this.
I love this little peek into your time with your mother. I am there with you hearing the frustration and celebrating the blessings.
This is so honest and heartbreaking. The way you are thinking about your thinking at the end made the piece so interesting. You are reflecting about your role and closeness to your mom. Instead of being jealous you renamed your emotions as grateful and blessed. This is such an important lesson for us all.
I appreciate oh ended it with your inner thoughts, but not the mystery word! I still feel competitive over struggles with my brother and my aging parents. It’s silly but BIG and real also.
As the reader, I am so happy that your mom was able to find her word. “We are blessed” says it all. Thanks for sharing your reflective slice.
What a blessing to have a caretaker who can help like this — and it’s a blessing that she has you too.
This is such an important post. We all have such mixed up emotions about so many things. The fact that you named it, gave it a life, is important because now you will recognize it when it comes back. Recognize that those mixed emotions are just part of what we call being human!
Oh, this is great, Carrie. I love the opening – how you don’t tell the reader what is going on right away. That really worked well in this piece.
The ending, though, I wasn’t expecting that. Of all emotions, I wasn’t expecting a little jab of jealousy. That’s what makes this piece so powerful to me – it sort of sheds a new light on this whole experience that I hadn’t thought of.
Also, I have the feeling that there is nothing Lorrie could do, literally nothing, that would replace you as your mom’s person. You’ll always be her person, Carrie.
I can’t imagine not being able to retrieve words. It’s a fear I have. The details w/ which you describe this moment of communication w/ your mom creates a real since of being in the room. I do feel sad. I understand your final comment, bu maybe it’s my own aging that reminds me of how temporal everything is.
Your mom is blessed to have someone who loves her so dearly. I’m glad you are there to help her. It must be so hard and frustrating for all of you.
I got a little weepy on this one. I don’t know what has two in the front and two in the back but your mom has two wonderful people supporting her.
I walk along this path with you and know how important it is to support someone that is struggling with word retrieval. Your patience, guidance, and support are just what your mother needs. She is very fortunate to have you by her side.
I know that feeling. My mom is 90 and has dementia. I feel so lost when I can’t figure out what she wants to tell me. I am glad that my sister and sister-in-law share the translating duties with me.
It’s good to have people who understand. My 91 year old grandmom has dementia and it can really get her down when she doesn’t remember faces or words. Thank you for your positive outlook.
I thought you were talking about a word game at the beginning of this slice before I realized what was going on. I have a sister that lost all her speech to a stroke and I often struggle between gratitude and that jealousy of how close she and her husband have become. He’s amazing with her.. yet I miss my sister.