The Conversation

March #SOLC Day 24


How does a daughter broach this topic with her mother?

It’s so unnatural.

The younger one, the offspring, isn’t supposed to have this “difficult” talk with her mother.

Aren’t mom’s suppose to initiate these things?

Not anymore.

The tables are turned.

The roles are reversed.

The responsibility has shifted.

It took about 5 years for this change to completely take effect.

I wondered.

How do I bring it up?

Won’t it just dredge up bad feelings – scary thoughts?

If I’m patient I know I’ll find the right moment to bring it up.  I have to be OK with waiting and not doing it on my time, but rather on hers.

And, finally I could see that she was ready.

“Mom, we should probably talk about me getting Power of Attorney for you.  Do you know what that is?” I asked…holding my breath.

“Yes.  You mean so you can sign all papers for me?” she replied.

“Yes and also if you get sick.  You can make sure it’s all written down so I can make sure everything happens exactly the way you want it.”, I said….starting to breathe out.  This is going way better than I thought it would.

“In fact”, I added (on a roll now) “everyone should have something like that, including me!”

“OK”, she said (looking pretty OK with it all) “but how will we do it?”

Now I can fully breathe again. “We can talk to your doctor when we go see her over my spring break.  That’s when we can do it.”

“What are you having for lunch today?” I asked.

Conversation over…..for now.







10 thoughts on “The Conversation

  1. I, too, hesitated having that conversation with my mother. She lived with me the last 12 years of her life. She was never in bad health until the last month of her life…and she lived until she was 90. The strange thing…she was the one who brought it up. She was amazing…making sure my sister and I knew exactly what she wanted and what to do. It was her gift to me. I am glad your mother seems to know that this is necessary. Jackie

  2. Phew! I was holding my breath until the end too. You built up anticipation perfectly. So difficult – the situation you are in now. I guess it’s all part of life. 😦 perfect slice!

  3. My children’s father passed unexpectedly last November, prompting me to have this conversation with them. I promised to leave everything ready and clear, easy to figure out. Not talking about it canleave such a jumble to sort out. Good for you for broaching the subject with your mom. It sounds like you did it just right.

  4. Sometimes those difficult conversations become easier than we think. Your mom is so lucky to have you. Maybe that is what made it easier in the end!!!

  5. I love that you center this post with the line, “the roles are reversed.” It really highlights the change in your life and your mother’s. Having recently gone through this with my mom and grandmother, you are absolutely right to get this lined up. Best wishes!

  6. I was holding my breath, too. Whew. This must have been hard for you. What struck me was that your gentle nature came through, even in this difficult conversation. You have a way with words. I wonder if you learned that from your beautiful mom too.

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